TL Boehm - Writer

Condor thus far is 97 pages of garbled brain dumps written during the month of November. 2009 for a yearly novel fest called NaNoWrimo. Ava is a product of mixed ethnicity, and mixed religious beliefs who grows from a tormented child to a woman discovering the truth about God and herself. This will not be a beautiful book. It will harsh. It will be difficult to read in spots, but it will be real.

Peace. Come back often for snippets of the storyline and backstory.

If I could fly
Ascendent circling thermals
Spattered ash on God's blue palette
Perhaps you'd shudder
As my shadow passes
Spectred tingles scurrying beneath your skin
Like mice before the combine
My soaring sight unfocused on the chaff
Or the burning curve of the earth
I'm only fashioned for the passing
Gliding in on the last breath
Life ebbs
And I'm scrabbling for sustenance
In the dirt
A mongrel bird
Insatiable for the taste of decay
Raucous opportunist
Crack the bones of broken dreams
The marrow of life a dry memory
I am built to consume
Your castaway flesh
As you slip from death to life
I begin and end with eyes wide open
Transient purpose served
This side of Heaven
You won't find me aloft
In empty skies
When death passes
Into life
TL Boehm

031809

The black and white border collie mix launched herself off the back porch in a blur of focused fur, sending Ava sprawling face first into the scruffy cover of wild mint that grew along side the dilapidated stucco house.  A small flock of sparrows burst skyward as the canine missile met its avian trajectory in the middle of the yard. 

“Chelsie! Heel! Bad Girl!”  Ava spat a mouthful of dirt and mint as she screamed at the dog. The collie’s head jerked back reflexively, a small clump of feathers protruding underneath its snout like a chew toy. “Chels!” Ava screamed. “Drop it!” the little girl burst into tears as she ran toward her pet. “Let it go!” Ava grabbed the dog by its scruff, giving it a savage shake. Compliant at last, Chelsie dropped her slobber soaked prize into Ava’s outstretched hand.  “Bad Dog!” Ava clutched the terrified bird to her chest, feeling its tiny heart thrumming in her hands as the dog cocked it’s head and laid its pointed ears back. The tiny creature made a churring noise deep in its throat before falling completely still. Fat tears coursed down the little girls cheeks as the sparrow went limp in her hands. “Chelsie. Why did you kill the poor bird?” Ava held the bird down toward the collie’s face, then recoiled as the collie made a grab for the creature. “Git!” She stamped her feet at the dog and clutched the lifeless bird to her chest again. “I’m so sorry.” Ava walked over to a small shed and pulled aside the wooden door. She entered the building shed and stood for a moment until her eyes grew accustomed to the darkness. A small shaft of light filtered down through a metal grated window illuminating a low work table. Taking a frayed rag from a basket on the table, Ava laid the bird out on the surface.  She carefully spread out each tiny wing, gently smoothing the feathers before wrapping the bird up in a cocoon. She turned toward a series of shelves on the wall opposite the table. Grabbing a small shoebox with wings crayoned on the side, Ava opened the lid and carefully placed the bird in the box on top of a collection of other mummified birds.

The wind clawed at her hair as Ava sprinted across the field in pursuit of the small winged creature. Terrified, the injured bird zigzagged through the yellow grass until it fell exhausted to the frostbitten earth. Ava put her hands on her knees, gasping for air as she towered over the bird. Small beads of sweat dripped from her face, a baptism of sweat on the sparrows flitting wings.

“Just pick it up and release it Ava.” Toussaint folded his great wings across his back and knelt beside the bird. “its easy. Remember what I told you.” His amber eyes darted from the sparrow to the girl.

“I can’t.” Ava choked back a sob. “its cruel. Chase it down and kill it, like it’s a criminal”

“Ava. Child. Look at it. Its suffering. Give it peace. That’s all I’m asking you to do. Its what you were made for. Remember?”

Ava took a deep breath and knelt down by the frightened animal. She picked it up in her dirty hands, rolling it from one palm to another before clutching it to her heaving chest. “It’s injured, Toussaint. Its gonna die anyway.”

“Yes. It will die. Miserably.” A small smile crossed the angel’s placid face. “Unless you help it.”

Placing the injured creature in her left hand, Ava brought it up to her lips and kissed it lightly. Then the girl closed her eyes and squeezed the bird in her fist. She winced as the tiny animals ribs crunched between her fingers. Slowly she opened her hand and let the carcass fall from her grasp. “I’m sorry. So sorry” Ava threw herself against the angel’s chest, pummeling him with her fist. Small spatters of sparrow blood speckled the angel as Ava sank to her knees in front of him. “Ava, the sooner you learn your place in this existence, the more peace you will have. Toussaint wrapped a bronzed wing around the girl as she cried.

“What the Hell is wrong with that kid of yours, Nicole? Andrew slammed his book against the arm of the chair and stood to his feet. “That’s it. I’m waking her sorry hide up and putting her outside with the idiot dog!”

“Drew! She is just a little girl. Your little girl. Cut her some slack!”

“No, that little freak ain’t my kid! She’s an agent of Satan. We shoulda just kept going to the movies, but no, you wanted heirs to the Nicole throne.”  

“Don’t say that. She’ll hear you.”  Nicole’s voice lowered to a sharp whisper.

“Didn’t you just hear her? Sounds like a smashed cat in there! Her screams are going to wake the freaking dead, Nicky! Fine, you deal with her, because if I go in there I am going to redden her backside for screeching like that.”

“She can’t help it. She’s sick.”

“So are the rest of us, Nicky. So are the rest of us. She does that crap to mess with you. She knows if she wails like a wild banshee you’ll come in there and pee all over her like a pup. That overpaid head doctor of yours even said it. Kid’s got your number. No what Nick? You wanna play spoil the bratsky, do your thing. I’m out.” Andrew grabbed a jacket from the back of his chair and headed for the front door.

“Wait, where are you going? It’s eleven o’clock at night. You can’t just bale on me in the middle of a mess.”  

“I’m either walking or I’m wringing that little girl’s neck. You pick – fix a brat or plan a funeral. She needs a foot planted in her backside, Nicole. Be the mom. Take a stick to her.” Andrew shot Nicole a venomous stare before slamming the front door behind him.

God why did I marry such a jerk. Nicole spun around and headed for the hallway. She paused a moment before opening her daughter’s bedroom door. Brace yourself Nicole. Pray that she is alone in her bed. No critters this time. No frog guts. No legless spiders. No guppies gasping for air.  Nicole took a deep breath and stepped into her daughter’s bedroom.

“I’m sorry, mommy.” Ava sat in the middle of her bed, trembling, hands over her mouth.

“Its ok, honey. You just had another nightmare. Maybe we should try that medicine your doctor gave you.” Nicole sat on the edge of her daughter’s bed.

“I don’t want ‘em. If I take those pills, then I can’t wake up. I can’t stay asleep. Something else bad will happen if I stay asleep.”

“Ava, dreams can’t hurt you. Things in dreams, that’s just your imagination, remember? Its just stuff you’ve thought of during the day and your brain sorting out things. Nobody is waiting in your head to hurt you.” Nicole reached up and took her daughter’s hand. “Ava, what’s all over your hands?” Nicole turned Ava’s hand over, then recoiled as she saw blood welling up from the little girls palm. “What did you do?”

“I told you, I was sorry. I killed it. And it bled all over me. Some got on Tuossiant.”

“Ava, I told you,  there’s no Toussiant. Did he make you do this? Where’s the body? What did you kill this time! Ava.” Nicole’s voice raise to a yell as she tore the bedclothes from the bed. “Get up! Find it. Show me the body!” Nicole grabbed her daughter by the shoulders and shook her. “Where’s the body, Ava?”

“I don’t know. It was a bird. Its gone. When I woke up, it was gone. All that was left was this blood. It hurts. My hand hurts.” Ava’s chin quivered as she looked down at her hands.

“Ava, we can’t do this. Let me see your hands again.” Nicole carefully examined Ava’s palm, noticing four small crescent moon marks dug into the little girl’s soft flesh. “Oh honey.” Nicole’s voice broke as she saw the bloodstains under the little girl’s nails. “You were scared, weren’t you?”

“I didn’t mean to scream. Is daddy coming back?”

“Yes, your dad just needed to chill. He’s taking a walk. You know how he is. Come on.  Let’s go in the bathroom and clean your hand off. And while we’re at it, we’ll cut your nails. Ava.” Nicole stopped and looked her daughter in the eyes. “Thank you for not killing anything.”

“But I did. It was a bird.”

“It was a dream. Remember Chelsie killed that sparrow in the yard. You love Chelsie and you’re just trying to figure it all out in your head.”

“She’s a bad dog.”

“No, honey.  Its just her nature to chase birds.” Nicole prayed under her breath as she flipped on the bathroom light. “Hop up on the potty and we’ll get those nails cut. We’ll make you all pretty. Ok?

“Ok.” Ava glanced over at the mirror on the back of the door as she followed her mother into the bathroom. She let her eyes focus first on her moss green eye, and then on her sky blue eye. Cat face, cat face, Ava is a cat face! Her classmates chants rang in her ears. “Mommy. Why do cat’s have different colored eyes? Does it mean they’re retarded, or psycho? If my eyes were the same color would I not be psycho? Are psycho’s agents of Satan? I don’t want to work for Satan.”

“Wow, one question at a time, ok?” Nicole lifted her daughter up on the side of the sink and brushed a stray lock of sable hair from the girls face. “First, your eyes. I love blue eyes and I love green eyes, so God gave me a girl with one of each because He knew I couldn’t choose between the two colors. Second, you are not retarded or psycho, and you certainly don’t work for the Devil. Maybe your daddy works for Satan, but you don’t” Nicole forced a smile as she clipped Ava’s nails.

“He hates me.”

“No, he hates his job, and traffic, and fast food fried chicken but he loves you. He just says dumb things sometimes, that’s all. Now, you’re all clipped and clean and beautiful. Let’s put you back to bed.”

“can I sleep in your bed, mommy?”

“Ava.” Nicole looked at the ceiling for a moment and closed her eyes. “Ava, mommy and daddy’s bed is for adult people. Your bed is for kid people. Ok? Now hop in. I’ll leave the light on. Will that help? Better yet, I’ll stay with you till you start snoring.”

“I don’t snore!”

“Oh yes you do! You sound like a giant hog! Snort Snort! And you drool like a hound dog, slobber slobber!” Nicole jumped up on the bed, tickling her child as Ava giggled and hid under the covers.